Mom and Dad
by ShinkonoKokoro
Summary: Just a short story about how Peter came up with Tony being 'Dad' and Steve being 'Mom.'


"Bye Aunt May! I wont' be home for dinner!" Peter called, flying down the stairs.

"Peter? Wait a minute Peter!"

"Yeah?" He paused with his hand on the doorknob.

"Where are you going? You haven't been home for dinner more than ten times this past month!" She appeared in the front hall, brow furrowed. "Where have you been going?"

He blinked up at the ceiling as if it held answers, thinking of the Avengers Mansion. "Um. A friend's house."

"Peter. I want more specifics than that."

Apparently not convincing enough. "Um. My friend Luke!"

"Luke." She arched a brow. "Wouldn't happen to be Skywalker, would it?"

He laughed. "No! No relation. Luke Cage. He's... well. I met him when I was out shooting for the Bugle. And then I went back to his place and..." Thought quickly on Cap and the rest of the Avengers. "His mom invited me to dinner! His family is crazy. His dad is super smart and builds stuff. He's an engineer for a super rich company. He knows chemistry too, so he's been helping me out when I need it. Homework and studying and stuff. Luke's got an older brother Logan who's really hilarious, even if all he does is grouse about how he hates everyone. He doesn't. He's just weird about feelings," he continued, the tale taking on a life of its own. "There's this other brother, Thor—yeah, I know, weird names, right—and he's _awesome_! He's like a big dumb jock, but really friendly and laughs at everything. He's huge! The sister Janet is gorgeous and really into fashion. She and MJ would probably get along really well. She always looks perfect, but she's dating this dorky genius scientist and he's _always_ around. So when Tony's busy, Hank helps me out. And Wanda is kind of weird. Clint is really loud and likes to tell dirty jokes. He's a lot like Tony sometimes. But he looks more like Ca—the mom. And Natasha is... Well. Sometimes I think if I say anything about Natasha at all, she'll kill me. She's super intense. She's not there a whole lot though. And then there's Jessica! She's a lot like me. I don't know how well we really get along tho..." He trailed off, noticing his aunt's fond look. "What?"

"I believe you, Peter. You didn't have to give me a family history, dear."

He ducked his head feeling his cheeks heat. "Sorry. I just got carried away."

"I can tell that."

"They're all just so unique."

"Sounds like a lovely family."

"Oh no. They're completely dysfunctional. But they get along well enough." He grinned.

Aunt May shook her head with a smile. "Be sure you're a good guest."

"Of course, Aunt May."

"Off you go then. Be back before 11. Maybe you can invite Luke over here sometime for dinner."

"Mm, yeah!" he lied as he pulled the door open, waving before shutting it again. He waited until he could duck into an alley before he was in his Spidey-suit and taking the roof highway to the Avengers Mansion. When he climbed through a window, he found Logan, beer in hand, slumped on the couch in front of the TV. "What's goin' on?"

He grunted.

Peter waited another minute before sighing and walking away. "Brick walls are chattier."

"I heard that!" Logan called after him.

Noise from the kitchen called him, loud and bickering. Dropping down behind Luke who was waiting just outside, he murmured, "Mom and Dad fighting about something again?"

Luke jumped, cursed, and then did a double-take. "What are you talkin' about?"

"Cap and Tony?" He leaned against the wall.

Luke stared at him a moment and then grinned. "Mom and Dad."

Peter shrugged, glad the mask hid his blush. "They're the team leaders... Cap mother hens everybody and well..."

Chuckling, Luke folded his arms. "I like it." Jerked a thumb towards the kitchen. "Proper storage of kitchen gear. Tony insists the blender belongs on the counter, while Steve wants it in a cabinet."

"How domestic. Dysfunctional is right," he snorted.

"What?"

"Nothing. We having this meeting or what?"

Luke shrugged. "Hell if I know. Depends if 'Mom' and 'Dad' want to have make-up sex first."

"Ugh! Gross! Luke! Why'd you have to go and give me that mental image! That's sick! And a cruel joke!"

Luke smirked and then ambled away.

"That _was_ a joke, right? Luke? Luke! Shi—Luke! Tell me that was a joke!" He scampered after the man, hoping to get much further away from Cap and Tony at the moment. Just in case.

* * *

><p>"You know," Tony said many years later with a casual shrug that meant he probably cared more than he was letting on, "you could invite your aunt to live here. She knows about...about your secrets, right? So it wouldn't hurt."<p>

Peter's head jerked up. "In Stark Tower? Why—"

"Well, her and MJ. They're both here so often. Jarvis could use some company—"

"Woah woah woah! You are _not_ setting up my Aunt May and Jarvis!" He was relieved to see Tony's face collapse into something akin to horror and disgust.

"Peter! Jesus! Where do you even _get_these ideas!" He shuddered. "Just. I mean. If you want them close and all. Security is good here and they'll be looked after. Whatever you want." Tony turned and walked away, waving a hand over his shoulder. "Whatever you want."

"I'll think about it!" He called. And really, when it came down to it, it _was_ a no-brainer decision. He may not trust Tony all the time, but with Cap to keep him in line, things were good. So it'd be great to have them move in. If they wanted it. Luckily they did. So Peter brought Aunt May and MJ to Stark Tower.

"You _live_ here, Peter?"

"No! Not always. I'm just... Here a lot. I have a room. But I don't stay a lot. And well."

"You know Mr. Stark personally?" She asked, eyebrows rising.

"Yeah. Why?" To his surprise his aunt's cheeks flushed slightly. "Oh my God! Aunt May! That's disgusting!"

"Oh relax, Peter," MJ chided with a grin. "Tony Stark _is_ really attractive. You've got to give him that."

"Thanks, MJ. I'm sure I'll love having you around," Tony said, shoes clicking on the lobby floor.

"Mr. Stark!" MJ flushed, but accepted Tony's offered hand and smile. He bent of Aunt May's hand and gave her a saucy grin.

"Tony!" Peter hissed.

"Come on upstairs. You can meet the team."

"They're okay with this?" Peter said, ignoring his family's looks of confusion.

"Peter, they wouldn't _be_ here if it weren't okay," Tony drawled.

"Right..." The elevator ride was quiet. The doors dinged cheerfully and they all exited, Tony leading them to the spacious sitting room.

"And Ms. Mary Jane and Ms. Parker, welcome to Stark slash Avengers Tower." He smiled and waved his hand over the team as a whole. "Everyone, this is the infamous Mary Jane and Aunt May. They'll be staying with us."

Cap got up and shook hands, smiling at them both.

"Uh, this is Cap. I mean. Steve," Peter said. His aunt and MJ both beamed up at him. Peter sighed and dragged them closer to everybody. "Um. Right, that's Logan, Jessica, the other Jessica—Luke's wife, Janet. Clint? Are you here?"

"What'dyou want!" Clint stalked out of the kitchen, knife in hand.

He rolled his eyes, ignoring the way Aunt May jumped. "This is my aunt and MJ. Aunt May, MJ? Clint."

MJ gave a small wave, his aunt's face taking on a pinched quality like she was thinking about something really hard.

"And then Thor's over there in the corner talking to Pietro, that's Wanda's brother. Wanda is... Maybe not here."

"Tony," his aunt breathed, eyes going wide.

"Aw, Aunt May—"

She turned on him with an exclamation of his name. The talking in the room had begun to die down. "Tony and Hank and Jessica and Thor! Your friend Luke Cage!"

Luke's head turned, looking up from playing with Dani.

"What?"

"Your friend! Oh Peter! You lied to me!"

"What?" Panic raced through him. "What are you talking about!"

"Your senior year of high school! You were hanging out with _these_ people! This was your dysfunctional family of new friends?"

He paled, remembering the tale he'd told. "Shit."

"What's this about, Peter?" Tony said, a hand settling on his shoulder.

He groaned. "I... Oh my God. This is really embarrassing.

"Wait a minute..." Luke said slowly, handing his daughter off to his wife. "Was _that_ where Mom and Dad came from?"

By now, all attention was on him and his aunt. He slapped hands over his eyes, but not before he saw Cap's politely confused look and a twinkle of..._something_ in Tony's eyes. "No no no! It was just..." MJ was laughing quietly at his side.

Aunt May cleared her throat. "I didn't know about Peter's...night time activities—"

"That sounds dirty," Clint muttered.

"—at the time, so he told me this whole story about how you were a family. And he was visiting for dinner. Peter, no _wonder_ you didn't invite Luke over."

"I had a dinner invitation!" Luke protested.

"I want to hear a little bit more about this..." Tony said, voice tinged with laughter.

"Well, Mr. Stark. It seemed, at the time, Peter was equating you and the good Captain America here, as Mom and Dad, and everyone else just seemed to be children."

He risked a look around the room, Logan's darkened brow, Thor's cheerful visage, Luke's wry grin, Jessica shaking her head, Jan looking ceiling-ward. Cap's face was bright red and Tony looked like the cat that caught the canary.

"Well," Cap said, voice a little strained. "At least, now we know the origins of those awkward nicknames."

"Aw, don't be jealous, Cap," Tony said cheerily, "just because you're 'Mom.'"

"I—" Steve's face looked like thunder, so Peter intervened.

"I'm sorry! Sorry guys! My bad. That was... Wow. _So_ long ago it doesn't even matter."

Tony chuckled and shrugged. "Well. We _are_ kind of like a family. I mean, Steve and I do ha—" He blinked as Steve's big hand closed over his mouth and he was dragged from the room, stumbling backwards and trying to hold on to Steve's arm to stay upright.

The silence was finally interrupted by Luke's dry voice. "There's your answer to your question, Peter."

He groaned and dropped his head into his hands.


End file.
